I Can’t Even Think That Little

When I think about the enormity of the universe and all that it contains—planets, stars, solar systems, and galaxies—and that, stars alone, there are too many to count in a lifetime, it becomes an impossible task to grasp that enormity. Try as I may, but all I’m left with are shards of a blown mind.

How contrasting it is to be sailing on a deep sea fishing boat, where there are no land marks in sight. Where I am eclipsed with one predominant thought: I am tiny. But that’s only in comparison to the ocean, which on the scale of the universe is no larger than a mere microscopic fragment of an atom. As I wait for a fish to tug on my line, I realize that putting my diminutive size into perspective is so much of a chore, that I can’t even think that little.

Within the moment of that thought, as I spin on a planet that never ceases to stop orbiting the sun, I measure myself on a scale that is so large, I can only describe its size as infinite, which leaves me unable to even think that big.

But think big I do. And sometimes too big of myself.  I think big about big money. I think it’s going to make a big difference in my life.  And in my mind, that’s a big deal. I think big about winning a running race.  About winning a big argument. I say to someone challenging me: “Well, if you’re so big, do it yourself!” I get a big ego over what I think are big accomplishments…I mean, those were some pretty big weights I put on the bench press today. And yet, the bigger I think, the less important I reveal myself, and truly the smaller I become.  Unless it involves thinking with big vision and doing things for others that will make a big deal.

Of course, thinking too little of myself can lead to little self-worth.  If my confidence is too little, then there’s little I can do for others.  All it takes is a little determination and fortitude, and I can make a big difference on a little planet.  Help a little elderly woman across the street. Give a little hug to someone in need. Pay a little bit bigger tip to a deserving waitress.

Somewhere between this yin and yang of big and little hangs a balance of good.  It’s a place where the two contrarians mutually benefit from each other.  It’s a place of alliance and understanding where the ego shrinks and the heart expands.

The enormity of the universe is incomprehensible. Its sheer size is beyond measurement, especially if it’s infinite.  But whether or not that is the case, is irrelevant.

In a world that seems larger than life, surprise someone today.  A little effort can make a big difference.

Copyright Ros Hill 2016

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